Friday I was ready to rage. I had worked so hard throughout the week that all I was ready to do was have fun. That was a fail. I ended up in bed cuddled up with my thoughts earlier that I had expected. Saturday was great. I had made plans that I canceled as soon as I got the opportunity to be with some of my boys. I received a text from Ryan telling me to meet at Bethesda Christian School as soon as possible for his brothers basketball game, so I did. twelve minutes late I arrived to Bubba talking very loudly about the fat lady across the gym, I love him. I taught Hector how to tie his shoes. That was a type of special that I cannot even begin to explain. After we ate a quick lunch, I picked up Houston and my camera then met the boys up at the Garden of Prayer where we took on the trail. We also hiked up to the railroad tracks where I watched the boys throw rocks at a pole. After Fer sat on a cactus, we decided it was time to go back to my house and just play the Wii and run ten miles an hour on my treadmill. Luis met up with us there, which was special to me. I don't know how else to let him in but to involve him in the things that mean so much to me. That is a different story though.Though we were enjoying our time together, my heart was hurting. Hurting because I had to leave Tony, Houston's big brother, at home. His actions lately haven't been the best, and because of that he isn't allowed to join us. Telling him I was coming over to pick up his brother, and only his brother, hurt me. I know he's angry with me, but I also know this is fair. I guess my issue here is, I want to just love on these kids so much. I hate that he can't be with us. My mom says even if we don't see it yet, we are loving him by not allowing him to come. It's hard to realize, but I can kind of see where she's coming from. After we all parted, Luis and I joined his friends at Baja for a nice lil' time. Sunday, I skipped church to say bye to my boyfriend once again. Few hours later, I proudly watched my ten year old niece play at her Piano recital, went to Ryan's graduation festivity, and went to dinner with the entire family plus Alexis (my newest mentee). Now I'm at my desk writing this for the second time after my laptop shut off on me and erased everything I wrote. Surprisingly, I didn't curse. I am improving [:
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During my nieces recital at the nursing home, something happened that put me in deep thought. I know, when is Araceli not in deep thought... While listening to the sweet sound of Christmas music on the piano, I noticed an old man holding his head crying for help down the hall outside of his room. After my slow brain processing what was happening, and no one else jumping up, I ran to see if he was okay. He wasn't. He bent his head down and told me he was bleeding. His white hair, was red. He asked me if I could help his wife who had fallen on the ground trying to catch the bookshelf that had fallen on her husband, which was the reason he was bleeding from his head. I ran straight to her and lifted her from the floor onto the bed as if she were as light as a baby. I don't know how that happened. I don't know where I got the strength to lift an old lady off the floor when I get tired from lifting my kindergartners. After questioning her and assuring her husband that she was going to be alright, I ran for help. The man was crying. I cannot get that sound out of my head. I cannot stop seeing his face. He was so helpless.
I am afraid of experiencing this. No, I don't mean having a heavy bookshelf fall on me or my husband, I mean being helpless. The man was so old and weak that he couldn't even help his wife off the floor. She was so old and weak, that she couldn't help herself off the floor. She had no strength at all physically, yet she was graciously calming her husband down from the terrible position she was in on the floor.
I cannot imagine reaching that point. I'm not sure I want to live if I am helpless. And I mean that at an old age, and young. I do not want to live relying on others for strength. I've been there mentally, and I never want to return. Physically, I am approaching faster than I can accept. Who's going to be that one person crying for me when I am helpless? Who is going to yell for help when they can no longer be strong for the both of us? Hopefully no one, because I don't want to live like that.
I live my life constantly giving, loving, strengthening... that IS what I live for. What good am I when I can no longer do those things, for myself even? I have a feeling I will be hearing his cry for a long time now...
On a side note: It was priceless hearing my father say these words. "I knew you'd be the one to run."
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Here are a few pictures from Saturday.
