I've come across a situation that I have no way of understanding. Everything feels so right but the reality of it is so wrong. The silence that my inner respect has brought upon us is hard to accept, but yet the reward I have given back to my identity is fulfilling. How do I make peace from this situation? How do I accept what I have done when I couldn't accept when it was done to me?
We all know how to tell right from wrong, but when does wrong from right become just? Or is it ever possible?
How do you find the desire to live when you have nothing you're living for? Who can help you when you can't even help yourself?
I feel like the world's biggest mistake is not taking enough time to observe for oneself. People live so much on opinions and demands of others and forget that they have a voice and mind of their own. What happened to taking a minute to think? What happened to reading, studying your subject, long conversations, and observing? Has this world really come to this? To believing in word of mouth, social media, and following the crowd? Where is the individuality and beauty in standing alone? Where has "unique" gone?
Oh how I fear the future.
I feel like physically I'm alive, but in the inside I've never felt so dead. I have so much to be thankful for, and I am very, but I know there's more to life that what I'm living. So where do I go from here? After so many failed attempts, where do I turn to now?
I'm afraid to be alone because my mind is uncontrollable. It takes me to the way things once were and to places I've never been. Some places I wish to see and others I'm terrified to come across.
And 5 months after sitting in the Draft folder....
Wow... how sad it is to read that and yet so beautiful. Why did I not publish it? Perhaps I was ashamed of how unhappy I had become. Sadly looking back I searched for all the wrong answers to fix my life.. "quick fixes" if you will. And they all failed. Not much of a surprise though. I was running from everything real because what was real was painful. My surface was fun, wild, free and seemed happy. My inside was dark with memories replaying and piercing my heart over and over. They ment no harm, they were just trying to remind me of where I belonged. Thankfully, I am almost there.
