Suspending my existence sounds wonderful, but unlikely.

Goodbye

Venting.

   I'm so drained.. emotionally and physically. Worst part is that it isn't going to get any easier for me for a while. I'm working so much and going to school aside from other things that are also important, but not for me. Everything I am doing, I am doing for those who are looking up to me. I have dreams and plans for the little ones so close to my heart. I know I have this thick layer of skin, and I know I walk around like I can take on the world, but this is me telling you, all my readers, that I am weak without the ones that I love. I miss seeing my friends. I miss the family I no longer see. Most of all, I miss my boys. I miss the hugs, the laughs we share, the inside jokes, the stupid little fights, McDonalds EVERY Tuesday, the little attitudes.. I miss just being in the same room as them. I miss the stress free lifestyle I used to live. I miss being completely numb to emotion. I just miss my life, but this IS my life for now. I have to better myself to better peoples futures that I plan on bettering.
   With all of that said and on the table, I am not weak. I am in the palm of an amazing father. He assures me everyday that I am just that much closer to peace. He never promised that their wouldn't be hard times, but He did promise in the book of Hebrews that he would NEVER leave me, nor forsake me. I believe Him, and I trust in Him. I may stress throughout the day, almost every day.. but at the end of the day, I know I have nothing to worry about. I am loved.

Anyone, please.. help.

  I miss a piece of my normality. I miss the piece that allowed me to be capable of loving long term. I'm loving, but from afar. I'm loving, but how long will love last? Is my world shareable ? I just want to find this piece that I miss so much. Until I find this piece, I will continue to hurt others. There's a slight chance I am forever parted from the only piece of normality that I WANT. Anyone... please help. I'm hurting him.