Nothing I say compares to what I can show.

-AJT

Wishful thinking?

Tonight more than ever, I've craved the presence of someone I so dearly care for when I walk through my door. Driving home from a party, I said to my best friend " I wish I had someone to come home to. " I can't wait for the day that I get to open my door to my bedroom and crawl in bed next to my love. I want to say " honey I'm home" after a long night out with my girls. For now I have to settle for crawling in bed with my pillows.

Trust

What if I forget to let it happen? Will you remind me? What if you forget to let it happen? Will I have the guts to remind you?

Determined

 

Before I die I want to knock down your wall.
I want to show you that it's possible. I want to show you that the ending isn't always the same. I want you to see that I was where you are until I found it in me to listen to my heart. I want you to understand. I want you to grow. 
Before I die I want to  build a house in the mountains.
I want to make it with my own hands. I want to wake up to the mountains everyday and feel free. I want to have 4 dogs that can run around carelessly. I want to smell the fresh air. I want to know that no one can see me standing naked on my doorstep. I want to be separated from the world.
Before I die I want to tell his story. 
I want the world to feel your pain through my writing. I want them to know that words are more harmful then they realize. I want the ones that made you feel worthless cry for forgiveness. I want you to know that you aren't the only one. I want you to feel loved, important, wanted, beautiful, human.  I want others that have come close to ending their lives to find hope.
Before I die I want to adopt a kid.
I've always wanted to love a child who wasn't wanted. Give someone a home who didn't know what a home was. I want to make someone feel wanted. Show them that there's hope. After losing mine, I couldn't imagine wanting to let one go.

 I could go on and on, but these are all words. It's truly up to us what we accomplish in life. There's so much I want to do, I believe when the times right, when God believes I'm ready, all my wishes will come true. And what doesn't, was never meant to happen... for me at least. Someone else was able to do what wasn't meant for me to do. As long as it's done though...

This shits annoying.

I'm like a fucking hermaphrodite with the penis built in my brain. It was cool in the beginning, but I'm reeealllly trying to avoid the the thought process of a guy and try and see things JUST as a girl. I don't wanna just say "fuck it" anymore. I wanna be a girl and think this out ! I wanna be emotional for a second. I AM a female, this shouldn't be difficult. WHY IS THIS DIFFICULT !?!? I'm always walkin around careless about most things. So maybe I forgot how to care. Maybe I forgot how to let this happen.



This is what I get for hanging out with too many guys. Now I think like one too.

I must say...

... It meant something.

To have known the outcome.

I miss us. I miss who I was when we were together. I miss the listener's reactions to our sweet melody. I still hold you close. You're everywhere I go. Why did I have to let you go? I miss us, but I don't miss you. You forced everything else out my life. So maybe this is right. Maybe we aren't meant to be. So I'll go on day by day with memories of us. Music, you have my heart forever and a day, but I'm letting go of the image of us I fell in love with.

Goodbye,
     Araceli Janette