Miss me yet?

Been incredibly busy. I apologize for my absence, but I promise I have a good reason. Life's been nuts !!!! Wouldn't change a thing about it though. Well, maybe.. nahhh. I trust that Things are exactly as they should be. I'll get around to writing here or transferring entries from my physical journal, PROMISE ! Also, I would love to take requests for entries once again. Or if you happen to be dealing with something and want my opinion, I could do those again too. Let me know yo !

Here are a few photos to signify some of the changes in my life since I last updated you all here.

There's more events to fill you all in on, but I've lost focus.


Goodbye for now !

Goodmorning America.

Here I am again, sitting in a quiet house listening to my thoughts. These thoughts are different than the ones who've been visiting lately. These thoughts are encouraging me to find where I belong. No, not necessarily a physical location, but a place where I am completely comfortable. I was there tonight, where ever "there" is. I got lost in the thought of all the different things going on in this world all at the same time, but in different parts of the world. I thought on how unfortunate it is that while I am here enjoying life, others across seas are hurting. Or even just next door...
They seem to think I don't know, but I do. The screams are loud, though I'm the only one who can hear them. I've always been good at reading others for some reason I am not yet familiar with. It's almost uncomfortable for me at times. Maybe I don't want to know what your heart feels. Maybe I'd rather be clueless so that I wont have to put aside my happiness to find yours. You think I don't know, but I do.
I know that while I'm continuing on this journey of mine, you are standing with your ears and eyes wide open in hopes of getting in on my life. It used to bother me. Walking down the busy streets at night with glowing eyes fixed on me as their bodies stand still. You don't scare me you know... I have a destination awaiting my arrival. There's nothing you can do to delay my arrival.
As I continue worrying about those out of reach as I sit here at peace, the only solution I can come up with is to make more art. I don't know what good that will do right now, but hey... Emerson did it. Speaking of which I have yet to contact.
My thoughts are nuts right now, so I shall end this.
I made a new piece today, and I won't tell you what it means to me. But, I will tell you what inspired me. Those beautiful souls who to us Americans have nothing, but to them, carry the world in their hands.

Let me know whatcha think readers !

-AJT

Robots.

These past couple of weeks or so have been an emotional ride for me. I've been caught up in what I truly believe I deserve, to accepting that it's not always about me. Not even ten percent. That's hard to accept. I do good things for others. I'm always trying to give what I can to make things possible for people who are low on hope. My heart is too big for my size. So, why is it that I'm still fighting for the things I want and care for? Because it's not about me, that's why. And until I fully accept that, I'll be fighting. Everything I want here on this planet, in this world, won't matter after I leave this place. The perfect man, the best friend, the dream job... they wont matter. We are a little more than robots, we have feelings. Those feelings given to us by a higher power to help us form a path, but we are only human. We die. What we do here, results in our future outside of this world. And we pretty much already have a blueprint layed out for us. So, what can we do...

Same routine. Different situation.

Complete turn around on my emotions.
I always do this to myself.
I know what I deserve, but I give myself less.
When will I ever allow myself to feel?

I cannot stop dreaming of the day I leave Texas for good.

I don't belong here.

Quiet Early Morning.

What is it about the night that's so intriguing? Is it not possible that I can find peace while the sun is fully awake? People... Such a love-hate relationship I have with people. There's too many of them standing in my way during the daylight. At night it's possible for me to hear the little creatures. You know, the ones you know are around but don't get to perceive when people hinder your opportunity to. At night I have the opportunity to listen to my own thoughts and harmonize them. I can hear the travelers speed to their next destination and put a story to their path. I feel that I connect better with nature when I'm lightly connected to the madness of others.
It's not that I don't appreciate what the sunlight can give and show, I just like the stillness of the night. I like not being able to see so clearly, but yet so perfectly. I enjoy putting extra effort into discovering and understanding my surroundings. During the day a stray dog will be a stray dog, but at night it could be a coyote or a mountain lion. During the day a falling leaf will be a falling leaf, but at night it could be a beautiful butterfly. During the day I might be just another human being walking the same grounds as many others, but at night, I can be anything I want to be. The night is just so tranquil. Personally, I don't care for the sun. The stars and the moon give me the perfect amount of light while also making everything in the world glow so elegantly.

                                                                            -AJT
I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written here. I've been spending lots of time filling the pages of my journal. I'll transfer entrys soon maybe.

I Am Yours

I wrote this yesterday morning in my journal, thought I'd share it with y'all.

   It's 5:16 in the morning and I'm awake. My dog woke me up maybe a little over an hour ago because he needed to pee. Frustrated because I absolutely HATE being woken up, I still take him out. It felt wonderful outside so I decided to take a seat and waited until he was done sniffing and rolling around trying to find a perfect place to empty his bladder. I looked up at the stars and immediately got lost in thought.

It amazes me how great of an artist our God is. Every detail about the setting my dog forced me in was beautiful. The sound, the look, the feel, all of it. Every single one of those stars in the black sky was placed in it's spot for a reason by our amazing God himself. Why? Only he knows. Some are brighter, some sparkle more, some appear bigger or smaller than others, but they're all so beautiful.

   All this thought on the stars got me thinking about the human kind. We were all given different features, different sound of voices, different personalities, and we were all placed in our spots in this world for some purpose. What that purpose is, only He truthfully knows. Each of us are so different, but yet so beautiful in our very own ways. We are all works of art created by Him. I continued thinking, what's my purpose? Who was I created to become? I feel that my heart is in so many places with all of the things that I so dearly love and want to love. Are those things in his plan though?

   I do not deserve to be surrounded with such beauty. I am so many things that He wouldn't be, and I do so many things that He would never do. So why do I still breathe? Why did I wake up today, and yesterday, and hundreds of days ago? Why do I still have a purpose? Though at times these thoughts take over my mind, and at times I may feel unworthy, I am worthy of so much. I am a walking piece of art created by my God. There are plenty of people walking by me in His gallery observing me and passing judgement, but I am a piece of art. Only the artist truthfully knows the meaning and purpose behind his art. And one day, I'll understand it too.

After smiling at the sight of a shooting star, or a meteoroid passing through earths atmosphere, I realized that I've been lost. Observing nature and learning more about life though these things is where my heart's journey first began. This is exactly what makes me happy and keeps me at peace. Where have I been? When did I lose myself...again?

   5:48 in the early, dark, quiet, and peaceful morning. I'm ready to lay my head back down. This time, I'm at peace. Good morning, journal.

-AJT