Needed Support

You know that tickling feeling that starts in your neck and sinks to the bottom of your stomach? It usually comes when your feelings are hurt and your heart is aching... I hate this feeling. I hate feeling more comfortable somewhere I'm wanted, but don't belong rather than somewhere I belong, but am not wanted. When will this end? When will I be wanted again where I belong ? Hopefully not when it's too late.. When I'm already gone.

I appreciate the love and SUPPORT I get from him. How is it so obvious to all friends that he is the one for me and this is the happiest I've ever been, but to the ones who's opinions matter most, they can't see it enough to support our love on this new level. Is it that they don't want to see it? As if seeing it meant letting go ? I need answers, comfort, love, prayer, assistance, but most of all I need support. And I need it from THEM.

Forbidden Comfort.

I always miss my old friends, lifestyle, and who I was back then, that's nothing new. I've realized though, that it's not until for a minute, or thousands of them, that I lose all connection with the feeling or memory I molded of what's left that I start to go insane. I lose control of my thoughts, and I search and search for any way to connect again to "home" so that I can breathe again. They say home is where the heart is, but why is home so dangerous for me?

Big step. Right direction ?

Today, I made one of the biggest decisions I've ever made. I couldn't be any more excited.

Perfectly Imperfect Relationship

Love isn't going to be perfect at all times. Actually, love is going to be perfectly imperfect always. The two of you are going to disagree with each other here and there and feelings are going to be hurt sometimes. What matters is how the two of you come together to fix things. It's impossible to move past a situation if the want to talk things out to better understand each other isn't mutual. Its the way you two handle each situation that allows your love to grow.

AJT

Life Sentence

Hurt shouldn't pile up like this inside of someone. No one good deserves to suffocate beneath pain on top of pain. You should have time to breathe, time to scream it all out until it no longer exists. Unfortunately some of us are stuck fighting for the end of this pain. No one will ever understand, and that's okay. No one good would ever wish this kind of hurt on anyone. They say talking helps, but I'm not sure how annoying people with your problems they'd never be able to fix anyways is helpful. Stay strong my people, stay strong..

My heart cries for her.

  "Ms. Araceli, do you have kids? I want to adopt so someone can be loved that isn't wanted like me at one time, and I don't want to get married because I want to keep my last name to remember my dad who hung himself, which by the way I saw. Getting married is too complicated anyways. All you do is fight and cry then someone leaves. I don't want to be married." -3rd grader.
 A conversation I had with a child today over some frozen treats is haunting my mind. The stories she openly told me, the things she's seen and experienced, my heart cries over. Why is it that some parents don't realize, or care to realize that their decisions drastically impact their children's lives. This little girl has lost hope at such a young age because of the lifestyle she was born into. This is in no way fair at all. Why?
   I made her promise me that she would promise herself to make good decisions in life. I told her that when she is old enough to make her own decisions, her life will be less "complicated" if that's what she strives for. We talked more about life and how things aren't always so easy, we shared secrets, and some laughs. When we arrived to 36, which is what she refers home to, she so kindly thanked me for listening and walked into 36. She's only a third grader, her life is so unfair.
 

Thank you for loving me.

  It's a huge change going from someone who couldn't commit, to enjoying the thought of yourself in a beautiful white dress looking into the eyes of the man you love. It's so comforting not worrying about him leaving the next day or in a year or two. I know he loves me just as much as I love him, and it's an incredible feeling. Our relationship is amazingly healthy. How did I become so deserving of such a wonderful man? And why is it that I am being told that I have turned him into that amazing man? I did nothing but love him for keeping me so strong since he's been in my life. 

    I cannot imagine a single day without this man in my life. I mean that literally. I cannot picture myself without him, it will just not work in my mind. He is who I am supposed to grow old with, and no one can say anything differently. We will be the old couple holding hands that gives everyone a secret smile in their hearts. I am sure of this, I am sure of our love.

Luis Montero, estoy tan enamorada de ti. 

Tu eres el amor de mi vida.