Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Beautiful eye.

 I see now that I was given a beautiful eye. An eye that sees things most don't. An eye that is connected to the heart. All this time I thought that we were all this way. I didn't understand peoples reactons to things. I get it now, I was given a gift. I see nothing but black and white.

I don't see rain messing up a just washed car or just styled hair. I see the way the rain makes the world shine, especially at night. I see the flowers smile and the excitment in the fish in the creek down the street. In the winter, I don't see nature dying. I see the beginning to a new life. As the leaves fall, the trees are preparing for a new cycle. Instead of seeing a difficult situation, I see what's real, I see love. And I act on that.

Too many people focus on the down side of things. But why? What about the negative attracts you ? Loss of a loved one, break-ups, money problems, ect. The feelings that come with those things are temporary. Watching the flowers grow, taking in the beauty of this world, continuously discovering new appreciations for nature and all the other natural things God has blessed us with, those things are forever. Wrap your beliefs on those things. Believe that life is beautiful if your mind is in the right place. If we all can do this.. If we ALL can believe in peace.. this world would be such a better place. To wake up each and every day with a beautiful eye.. it's lovely.

I'm far from perfect, but I live on my belief on peace and love. Of course, I have a few issues in my life, but I keep believing in what is real to me. One day, things will be as they should. Exactly as I deserve for them to be. I'll never stop believing.. neither should the rest of the world.

I was given a beautiful eye. An eye to see past the obvious and into the deep meanings of the "little things" life has to offer. I thought we could all see the world with a beautiful eye, but I suppose I was wrong. You could have one too, just believe.


                                                                            -AJT

Friday, December 24, 2010

Smiles

Isn't is odd how your whole morning or day can be terrible, and series of events keep taking place that just push you to the edge of your seat, but when you see their face you can't help but smile? Not only is their a smile on my face, but my heart smiles too when you're around. I can't move on from this. I refuse to. This is like home to my heart.

Soon enough love will return. I believe this. One day I won't have to pretend anymore.

Is it weird that I'm not sad? I feel like I should be. It's loneliness that's getting the best of me these days. I KNOW that this is real, therefor I'm not afraid of the time apart. Which might be why I'm not sad.

Tonight is the night that I'll fully trust in what's out of my sight. I knew this was approaching for me and you, but it's all a test to prove that this is true. You feel it too, I know you do.

                                                                         
                                                                            - AJT

Second best.

Is what's best for me best for you? Or is what's best for me wrong for you? If what I believe to be real, is real AND is what is best for me... then it MUST be best for you. So... is this real?

Pretending you don't feel the way that you do is a shame. It should be a sin. Pretending I don't feel the way that I do to keep "peace" is torture. How can I continue to live by my own beliefs and morals if I am following what is best for others in this situation. Am I not worth happiness right now? Who's to say that this isn't right? Marriage isn't part of this day.

I did NOT ask for this. I did NOT want this. Now I can't get enough.

What if I stop pretending before you do? Will you hate me? Will things change? There comes a point in everyones life when you need to stop and think about yourself and no one else. Put away all the what ifs, buts, and could be's. Find your hearts desires and love and respect yourself enough to do everyhing in your power to give yourself what you deserve. Happiness. I deserve it.

Always second best.. And I don't need your sympathy. I know what I'm worth, and it's not the second place ribbon you placed on my heart.

Dear faith, hope, love, and trust.. I stand next to you by the deep water. I believe in you with my whole heart. Don't let me drown.





-AJT