You'll.Come.Around

Friendship. It's a beautiful thing once you find someone who is real enough to be trusted. I don't mean trusted to hold onto your check card over night. I mean trusted with your heart. Someone who wouldn't think twice about giving up a part of them to make you complete. When you find friends like this,  NEVER let them go. Even if they're blinded at the moment by something that in the long run isn't important. Even if it seems they are walking away from you, do NOT let them go. True friends don't give up on each other regardless the situation. I feel that letting them go just because they are temporarily lost is like saying they aren't worth the fight. Whats real is always worth fighting for. Most definitely love of all things. And true friendship is based on love. There's no way I'm letting go of this triangle. Faith will keep our hearts linked and bring us home one day. Y'all wait and see.

On a different note...

It's time. Time to quit the BS. Get back on track. Remember who and what it was that never gave up on me. I need to look deep into my heart and find what I love again. Music... Photography... I need to dedicate my life again to my goals. Time is no joke. Gotta figure it out quick. I feel that music has been calling me out lately. A few doors are opening with chill opportunities and I've been keeping my feelings for it under the table. I miss it. I miss getting lost in my music. I miss the high I would receive from performing. I miss writing.

My best friend said this was written for me.. I love you. Thank you.

-AJT

 

How can you lie next to the same person you're lying to each time you look into their eyes.

Makes me think twice about ever wanting to lie with a liar.

-AJT

I absolutely LOVE this artist.

More about him after work, if I remember.

What if it doesn't matter?

It's quite fantastic how content I am now days. The ones who know every detail of my life question how chill I am about everything. Answer is, I have no time to try and fight fate. None of us do. I can either sit here and argue with God about the things I crave and do not have. Or I can walk with time and enjoy every single thing that crosses paths with me.


On a different note, this has been on my mind a lot. Please share your thoughts if you feel it necesary.

If God is all knowing, then does he know where we will end up after death?

I believe we were given free will to experience things the way we need to in order to appreciate certain things, but what good will that do if where we are headed is already decided?

Or is it?

If He is all knowing, then he knows my every next move. He knows if I'll come to being a TRUE christian or just another who failed at trying. So, If my place is already decided, and it isn't in his kingdom, then what am I trying for? The book says that he is all knowing, so should I dare to question it? After all, the book was written by people just like me and you..

Will I be punished for questioning it?

Or will he appreciate me taking advantage of my free will to better understand and know him?

Or does it even matter...?

Thoughts?

Day 10.
You came back today. Thank you.

Day 5.

Fear... I hate you. I hate you for thinking that I am weak. I hate you for the things that you follow, the things that you push in my face. Most of all, I hate where you come from and who your creater is.

I bet it kills you when you see me overcome your obstacles. Do you hate seeing me smile? When I recieved the news this weekend, did you enjoy my reaction?

I am not afraid. I believe that my future is going to be full of adventures. I trust that the Lord will carry me through. I have faith that this isn't going to take me soon. My heart is stronger than you view it.

Time... I apologize for not taking you serious. You never promised me enough of you to accopmplish what I want and need. I promise to pay you more attention, to treat you right, and to walk at your pace.

If you have to run out soon, I understand. But if you can hold on, I wont take you for granted.

It's insane how something can change everything.

Life... You are beautiful. I am sorry that you aren't appreciated by most. I am so sorry that it took me this long to live the right way. I wouldn't have things any other way even though there are quite a few things I could do without right now, I understand that those things will just make me stronger. I love you with everything you and I share.

Day 5- I'm doing well. I can look you in the eyes and see what we have rather than what we could've had. I've missed you. I won't have to miss you for much longer, I promise.

Never felt love quite like this.

 Please excuse me for the things that I'm about to reveal. Keep in mind that I am human and I do make mistakes. Also try not to judge me or jump to conclusions because IT IS NOT as it seems. I will also keep in mind that you are all human, and you probably will judge me, but I am ready for that. I am who I am today because of who I was. I'm not ashamed of that anymore because who I am today is real.


 There are no words to explain the way I feel when you smile because of me. The way your nose crinkles, the way your fingers grab hold of mine, the way your eyes light up when I say or do the right things... I love those things. I absolutely love how complete I feel when I hold you after a long day of hell. Even just a picture can brighten up the moment. You are one of God's greatest gifts to me. He might have took mine away, but he gave me you. If only you could understand your meaning to me and my life. If only you could see how happy you make me.

 Sometimes I look at my past and emotions take over. I know that things are as they should be, but I can't help but crave what I felt should have been. Every minute spent with you in my arms, I imagined myself with the one I lost. It might be difficult to understand or too weird to put together, but I almost see what I lost in you. As if you are almost mine. Though you aren't mine, you belong to someone who is able to do what I probably couldn't. She loves you. There's nothing like seeing you light up when she walks in the room, or even just says your name. That connection you two have, I so badly want.

 One day... One day I will have one like you. I promise I wont fail and I promise I will do things right next time. I cannot wait to show you what I know. I cannot wait until you understand the meaning of peace so that together we can turn this world around. I wonder all the time where you'll be in 30 years. Will I still be around? The thought of not being around puts my heart in my stomach. I want to watch you grow. Watch you learn. watch you fall and get back up. Watch you fall in love. Put on that beautiful white dress. I may have went through hell to get to this point in life, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Life withought her, would mean life without you. And I need you. I need to see your smile.

 Although God took mine away, he gave me your mother. A wonderful best friend and caring mother. Without her, I wouldnt have you. You give me hope Evie Dave Rivera. You show me what my future holds and remind me daily of lifes beauty. I love you more than I know how to. I can't wait to watch you grow.

                                                                   -AJT

Goodbye.Hello.

Cheers to another year of broken promises. Heres to new years resolutions that are never successful. What could this year possibly have in store for me? Where could I possibly be in a few months that I couldn't be last year? What will this world come to?

When the clock stuck midnight, and the world was holding up their glasses, what were you wishing for? When the ball dropped, what were you hoping this year would help you forget? That's what new years is about right? Escaping the past and moving on to a better and happier life. Well, there is no escape. There is no forgetting. If you want to make the new year about something real, make it about change. Not changing your weight. Not changing your hairstyle. Changing INTO you. The real you. the you your heart screams to reflect.

What am I focusing on this year? you guessed it... change. Changing the way others see me. Changing the way others see the world. Changing the way I allow myself to feel. One day at a time I will figure out a way to turn war into peace. And I don't care if I die trying, because I will lie there signifying just what I believe in, peace. I wan't the world to wake up each day with smiles and free hug shirts. I want to walk down the street at 3 a.m. without fear. Heres the catch... I wont be protesting on the side of the road. I wont be shouting out my beliefs. I will be me. Just another girl with dreams. Just another girl with a mended heart. Let me be part of your life. Let me share my heart with you. I want to sit with open minds and coffee. Let me be your inspiration. This year I promise to continue to go against societies hypocritical views and stand for my own. I will show the ones who care to listen to not be afraid to be YOU. I will let my heart speak. I will trust in love at all times.

I'm afraid to say too much, because words are taken advantage of twisted and turned into lies. So please, let me show you. Let me show you peace. Let the light shine into your life. This is the way to live...

So, cheers to another year of broken promises. And heres to new years resolutions that are never successful. What will you be focusing on?

                                                                  -AJT