Never felt love quite like this.

 Please excuse me for the things that I'm about to reveal. Keep in mind that I am human and I do make mistakes. Also try not to judge me or jump to conclusions because IT IS NOT as it seems. I will also keep in mind that you are all human, and you probably will judge me, but I am ready for that. I am who I am today because of who I was. I'm not ashamed of that anymore because who I am today is real.


 There are no words to explain the way I feel when you smile because of me. The way your nose crinkles, the way your fingers grab hold of mine, the way your eyes light up when I say or do the right things... I love those things. I absolutely love how complete I feel when I hold you after a long day of hell. Even just a picture can brighten up the moment. You are one of God's greatest gifts to me. He might have took mine away, but he gave me you. If only you could understand your meaning to me and my life. If only you could see how happy you make me.

 Sometimes I look at my past and emotions take over. I know that things are as they should be, but I can't help but crave what I felt should have been. Every minute spent with you in my arms, I imagined myself with the one I lost. It might be difficult to understand or too weird to put together, but I almost see what I lost in you. As if you are almost mine. Though you aren't mine, you belong to someone who is able to do what I probably couldn't. She loves you. There's nothing like seeing you light up when she walks in the room, or even just says your name. That connection you two have, I so badly want.

 One day... One day I will have one like you. I promise I wont fail and I promise I will do things right next time. I cannot wait to show you what I know. I cannot wait until you understand the meaning of peace so that together we can turn this world around. I wonder all the time where you'll be in 30 years. Will I still be around? The thought of not being around puts my heart in my stomach. I want to watch you grow. Watch you learn. watch you fall and get back up. Watch you fall in love. Put on that beautiful white dress. I may have went through hell to get to this point in life, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Life withought her, would mean life without you. And I need you. I need to see your smile.

 Although God took mine away, he gave me your mother. A wonderful best friend and caring mother. Without her, I wouldnt have you. You give me hope Evie Dave Rivera. You show me what my future holds and remind me daily of lifes beauty. I love you more than I know how to. I can't wait to watch you grow.

                                                                   -AJT