Three reasons I cannot sleep.

It's quite funny how life works out. 

You can be stuck in one situation trying to find a way to fix things, 

while God is creating a new road for you.

My thoughts tonight are random. I apologize.

ONE I've been having selfish thoughts lately that I feel guilty about. Thoughts such as: why can't I have things easier, why do I work so hard to support others and don't receive much in return, and more. These may be selfish thoughts, but I believe they're normal thoughts. Maybe knowing what I deserve in return is healthy. Though I don't have what I feel I deserve, I can work harder to get it. 

TWO As many of my readers and friends know, I had been against love for so long. I truthfully believed that I was not lovable. Not because of who I was, but because of my lack of ability to feel. Little did I know God had a huge plan coming my way. I believe I talk too much of it, so I wont mention it. I'm sure you all know what I speak of  and know now the impact it has made on me. Anyways, my whole world is based on love now. I feel for others how I've never before been able to feel. I give, and I give some more out of love. I see the true size of my heart more and more each day. Without love, my heart will fail. Without love, I have no purpose. My whole world is held together with love.

THREE There's a boy. This boy came out of no where. He caught me off guard and now I'm missing him when he's not around. I actually enjoy when he holds my hand. I like the security I feel when I'm in his arms. How did this happen? Perhaps God had created another road I wasn't aware he was creating. I think I'll like this trip.

AJT

Abigail, God's lil' messenger.

This morning was not a good time. I woke up still sick and irritated. I got to the office and things were just so out of order which drove me half insane. I was also fighting thoughts and emotions that I thought were gone forever. I guess it was just "one of those days" for me. With no motivation to get through the day, I still managed. I blasted music that a special friend provided me with, which is probably what kept me from going completely insane while stuck in traffic. I also had small talk with God about dumb things. No matter how easy God was handing things to me, like successful visits with doctors (which is what my job consists of) I still found reasons to complain and talk about with Him.
I got to the school where I sat for a few minutes to just breathe. Try and let go of the negative energy and recharge so that I would be well for the kids. I did what I could, but it wasn't until I received multiple hugs from the children that I was finally able to feel some sort of peace.  

And then this little princess came and sat next to me on the floor and said "Ms. Araceli, today's another day and tomorrow is another one too." Then she got up and went to run around with the other kindergarten kids. How good is our God? He sent me a beautiful little girl full of life to remind me that, today is just another day, and tomorrow will be another one. It was then that I got things together and was okay for the rest of the day. I think for a while, every time things get a little crazy, I'll see Abigail's face.

Heart problems.

I cannot seem to catch up with my heart. It is in so many places these days. The second I come near, it jumps elsewhere. I wish it would slow down. Give me time to understand it's destination each time. Give me time to accept it's decisions and cravings, but it wont. I feel no need to get angry or cry for help. My heart will forever have a mind of it's own, and I trust it. Who am I to come in-between my heart and it's desires? I am no one. A day will come when it finds a place it wants to cling to forever, and when that day comes the marathon I feel I am running will come to an end and we will all be at peace.

Psalms 37:4 

Delight yourself in the Lord 

and he shall give you the desires of your heart.

Do something.

  We each have more power to change things then we realize.

So, what are you doing to change

our world? It's never too late to start. We were gifted hands to lend to each other, feet to run towards the cries, and a voice to speak for those who can't or won't. There's help needed all around us. Stop ignoring it. Before you close your eyes to dream, say a simple prayer for those in need of much more than you know how to give. We are all family. We all need each other.

         

Miss me yet?

Been incredibly busy. I apologize for my absence, but I promise I have a good reason. Life's been nuts !!!! Wouldn't change a thing about it though. Well, maybe.. nahhh. I trust that Things are exactly as they should be. I'll get around to writing here or transferring entries from my physical journal, PROMISE ! Also, I would love to take requests for entries once again. Or if you happen to be dealing with something and want my opinion, I could do those again too. Let me know yo !

Here are a few photos to signify some of the changes in my life since I last updated you all here.

There's more events to fill you all in on, but I've lost focus.


Goodbye for now !

Goodmorning America.

Here I am again, sitting in a quiet house listening to my thoughts. These thoughts are different than the ones who've been visiting lately. These thoughts are encouraging me to find where I belong. No, not necessarily a physical location, but a place where I am completely comfortable. I was there tonight, where ever "there" is. I got lost in the thought of all the different things going on in this world all at the same time, but in different parts of the world. I thought on how unfortunate it is that while I am here enjoying life, others across seas are hurting. Or even just next door...
They seem to think I don't know, but I do. The screams are loud, though I'm the only one who can hear them. I've always been good at reading others for some reason I am not yet familiar with. It's almost uncomfortable for me at times. Maybe I don't want to know what your heart feels. Maybe I'd rather be clueless so that I wont have to put aside my happiness to find yours. You think I don't know, but I do.
I know that while I'm continuing on this journey of mine, you are standing with your ears and eyes wide open in hopes of getting in on my life. It used to bother me. Walking down the busy streets at night with glowing eyes fixed on me as their bodies stand still. You don't scare me you know... I have a destination awaiting my arrival. There's nothing you can do to delay my arrival.
As I continue worrying about those out of reach as I sit here at peace, the only solution I can come up with is to make more art. I don't know what good that will do right now, but hey... Emerson did it. Speaking of which I have yet to contact.
My thoughts are nuts right now, so I shall end this.
I made a new piece today, and I won't tell you what it means to me. But, I will tell you what inspired me. Those beautiful souls who to us Americans have nothing, but to them, carry the world in their hands.

Let me know whatcha think readers !

-AJT

Robots.

These past couple of weeks or so have been an emotional ride for me. I've been caught up in what I truly believe I deserve, to accepting that it's not always about me. Not even ten percent. That's hard to accept. I do good things for others. I'm always trying to give what I can to make things possible for people who are low on hope. My heart is too big for my size. So, why is it that I'm still fighting for the things I want and care for? Because it's not about me, that's why. And until I fully accept that, I'll be fighting. Everything I want here on this planet, in this world, won't matter after I leave this place. The perfect man, the best friend, the dream job... they wont matter. We are a little more than robots, we have feelings. Those feelings given to us by a higher power to help us form a path, but we are only human. We die. What we do here, results in our future outside of this world. And we pretty much already have a blueprint layed out for us. So, what can we do...